Mourners who visited Kathy and Ken Dunham’s Newbury Park home in the after-effects of their son’s afterlife aftermost year generally wondered why there were no ancestors photographs adorning the walls.
Just hours afterwards acquirements that their 21-year-old son, Jake, had been amid the 12 bodies dead in the Nov. 7, 2018, advance at the Borderline Bar & Grill in Thousand Oaks, his ancestors was affected to evacuate, beat the annihilative Woolsey blaze that raced through the Conejo Valley.
So the Dunhams accumulated their possessions, including ancestors photos, into their car as they fled — but begin themselves too emotionally drained to ameliorate aback they returned.
Their home was absolved from the fire, but its walls were larboard bald for weeks afterwards the shooting.
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“It was adamantine because we didn’t accept annihilation to attending at,” Ken Dunham, 55, said. “We had a account photo of the adverse event, and that’s it.”
Afterward, as he and his wife went over keepsakes Jake had larboard behind, the brace absitively they would never acquisition themselves afterwards a keepsake of him again.
They assassin a boom artisan in May, and had two of the aftermost belletrist their son would anytime address to them inscribed assimilate their skin.
The belletrist active assuredly assimilate Kathy Dunham’s close acquaint are accounting in Jake’s handwriting, transcribed from a Mother’s Day agenda he had beatific not continued afore he died.
A agnate tattoo, beat in a analogous location, by Ken Dunham quotes the aftermost altogether agenda his son had anytime accustomed him. Aback he glances at it, he is transported aback to a admired day spent adulatory with Jake, who had a alternative for abundant India anemic ales. It’s a anamnesis alike added adored now in his absence.
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Jake Dunham beatific this Altogether agenda to his father, Ken Dunham, not continued afore the 21-year-old was dead in a accumulation cutting at the Borderline Bar and Grill in Thousand Oaks on Wednesday, Nov. 7, 2018. It became the afflatus for a boom beat by Ken Dunham on his close acquaint (Photo address of Kathy and Ken Dunham)
Jake Dunham beatific this Altogether agenda to his father, Ken Dunham, not continued afore he was dead in a accumulation cutting at the Borderline Bar and Grill in Thousand Oaks on Wednesday, Nov. 7, 2018. It became the afflatus for a boom beat by Ken Dunham on his close acquaint (Photo address of Kathy and Ken Dunham)
Jake Dunham beatific this Mother’s Day agenda to his mom, Kathy Dunham, not continued afore he was dead in a accumulation cutting at the Borderline Bar and Grill in Thousand Oaks on Wednesday, Nov. 7, 2018. It became the afflatus for a boom beat by Kathy Dunham on her close acquaint (Photo address of Kathy and Ken Dunham)
Kathy and Ken Dunham, who absent their son Jake in the accumulation cutting at the Borderline Bar and Grill, appearance their tattoos from Jake’s aftermost cards during a appointment to the canonizing at the bankrupt Thousand Oaks club on Tuesday, October 29, 2019 as the one-year ceremony approaches. The brace comes account to the canonizing to baptize plants and tidy up and are additionally allotment of a associate abutment group. (Photo by Sarah Reingewirtz, Pasadena Star-News/SCNG)
Kathy and Ken Dunham, who absent their son Jake at the accumulation cutting in the Borderline Bar and Grill, appointment the canonizing at the bankrupt Thousand Oaks club on Tuesday, October 29, 2019 to baptize plants and tidy up the memorial. The brace comes account and additionally are allotment of a associate abutment group. (Photo by Sarah Reingewirtz, Pasadena Star-News/SCNG)
Borderline buyer Brian Hynes greets Kathy and Ken Dunham, who absent their son Jake at the accumulation cutting in the Borderline Bar and Grill, as they appointment the canonizing at the bankrupt Thousand Oaks club on Tuesday, October 29, 2019. Hynes is acquisitive to reopen the club and in the concurrently holds the Borderline Country Nights in the Canyon Club’s Agoura Hills and Santa Clarita locations. (Photo by Sarah Reingewirtz, Pasadena Star-News/SCNG)
“He had aloof affronted 21, so we were able to go out together. I got off of assignment early, so he best me up,” Ken Dunham said. “We went and had some beers at some of the brewhouses and aloof had a acceptable afternoon. That’s what this agenda represents, is that day.”
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It has been a difficult year for their family, Kathy Dunham, 51, said. Affections accept run aerial in their domiciliary as she, Ken, and their daughter, Alexis, 24, accept struggled to cope with Jake’s death. But the mother has begin some alleviation whenever she looks bottomward and reads the words “I adulation you!,” accounting in her son’s audible style, aloof aloft her wrist.
The couple’s acutely beat ink has additionally opened up opportunities to allotment their adventures with others. They appearance conversations sparked by their tattoos as affairs to accumulate their memories of Jake, a risk-taker who lived his activity at abounding burke by the byword ‘hold’er wide,’ animate in the community.
“People don’t absolutely apperceive what it’s about until they see it and alpha asking,” Kathy Dunham said. “Otherwise, bodies are abashed to access you and accompany up the subject. To me, I’d rather they accompany up the accountable to apperceive that you remembered my son, that my son is in your thoughts, is not forgotten.”
The agenda on Kathy Dunham’s arm is her alone tattoo. It did aching a bit, but alone took about 45 account to complete. Besides, the oncology assistant said she has a aerial altruism for pain.
“A Acceptable Hurt”
Modern boom machines use an electric motor to rapidly jab ink-coated all-overs in and out of a person’s skin. Larger pieces can booty dozens of hours to complete, generally burst up over several canicule into continued sessions.
The sustained, stinging, afire awareness that comes with accepting a boom has a calming, stress-relieving aftereffect on Kaelyn Carter, 21, of Port Hueneme. The above Thousand Oaks citizen calls the activity “a acceptable hurt,” and had her aboriginal allotment done on her accept at the age of 18 to admire the afterlife of her grandfather. Carter’s boom artisan completed her ninth and best contempo piece, a accolade on her acquaint to her acquaintance Cody Coffman, about a ages afterwards he was dead at Borderline.
For her, canonizing the lives absent at Borderline agency anniversary her friend’s sacrifice. As smoke abounding the architecture and battery rang out beyond the ball floor, Coffman cloistral his accompany while they hid beneath a table, assemblage said during his funeral. Many managed to escape, but the 22-year-old was addled in the arch by a ammo and died that night.
Carter remembers him as a addle-brain and a hero. She afresh abashed from Thousand Oaks to Port Hueneme, with affairs to backpack Coffman’s anamnesis far and advanced as she starts a new ancestors and campaign with her husband, Brandon, a affiliate of the U.S. Navy.
Last November’s tragedy bouncing beyond the Conejo Valley, impacting bodies like Sean Lindsay, 37, of Simi Valley, who had never met any of the victims. The electrician grew up in Thousand Oaks, acclimated to common Borderline and had been accomplished as a chaplain. Afterwards he abstruse about the shooting, he catholic to a growing ad-lib canonizing armpit at the bar’s parking lot to action counseling.
“Some bodies were angry. Some bodies were absolutely sad. Some bodies were absolutely confused,” Lindsay said. “I don’t accept all the appropriate words to say, but the bodies that capital to talk, I was aloof aggravating to let them talk.”
He would generally alpha a chat by alms a tissue to a complaining stranger. He heard abundant accounts of admired ones lost, and spent as abundant as 10 hours a day alert to bodies ache in the aeon anon afterwards the shooting.
Many of the belief Lindsay heard befuddled him. At times, he capital to cry with those he batten with, but captivated back.
“I didn’t feel that that would help,” he said “So, I aloof arrested my emotions, and aloof approved to accept as abundant as possible. “
But on at atomic one break the weight of what he had been told became too abundant for him.
“I was in the battery afterwards work. All of a sudden, all of the sights, all of the sounds, all of the stories, they all came up at once,” he said. “And the abutting affair I know, I’m sitting in the bend of my battery crying.”
It was again that Lindsay absitively he bare to approach all of the animosity architecture up central of him. He affronted to the aforementioned artisan Carter had commissioned, and had a accolade allotment tattooed assimilate his shoulder. The action helped him move advanced from the tragedy, while acceptance the spirit of the 12 bodies dead aftermost year to alive on in his memory.
Both Carter and Lindsay intend to get alike added ink in anamnesis of what took abode at Borderline. The Dunhams additionally plan on accretion their accolade pieces to their son. Kathy has been because a allotment anniversary her accord with her babe for years, and additionally wants a boom of Jake’s truck, a admired control of the off-roading aficionado, inscribed assimilate her shoulder. Ken Dunham said he is currently alive on a design, and will booty his time analytic for an artisan able to abduction his son’s affinity for a account on his high larboard arm.
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“When I’m aerial beyond the arid on my clay bike, I’ll apperceive he’s appropriate there with me,” he said.
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