Jennifer Coolidge, a antiquated rose of a appearance extra accepted for arena Stifler’s mother in “American Pie” and bays wives in assorted Christopher Guest movies including “Best in Show,” is aggravating to accept a plant-based lifestyle.
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But it’s been apathetic activity recently. Traveling to New York to advance a new movie, “Like a Boss,” she begin herself abashed by airport and in-flight options. Afterwards a continued day of interviews, with no acceptable vegan options on the allowance account menu, she panic-ordered some fish.
“And I acquainted terrible,” said Ms. Coolidge, a ride-or-die beastly lover and dog owner.
So on a clammy Thursday this month, she fabricated her way to Orchard Grocer, a vegan bodega and sandwich boutique on the Lower East Ancillary of Manhattan, in chase of meatless treats.
“I’m accepting a adamantine time with the vegan thing,” Ms. Coolidge, 58, said, afterwards she surreptitiously slid a half-eaten Snickers bar into a debris can.
Narrow and blithely lit, with ceiling-high shelves on one side, coolers on the added and a cafeteria adverse at the rear, the abundance was a curated vegan debauch: dairy-free chocolate, pizzas fabricated with cashew cheese and rice-milk ice cream.
Ms. Coolidge, dressed in a camel-hair covering for which no absolute band had been harmed, a leopard-print minidress and atramentous stockings, seemed overwhelmed.
A arranger alien her to Nora Vargas, a bespectacled abundance administrator with a acquaint boom of an avocado and avocado-print shoes to match. “We’re not absolutely advantageous bodies here,” Ms. Vargas said. “We’re added into abundance food.”
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Ms. Coolidge, an consummate alloy of boyish vulnerability, boss-lady address and banana chops, was not against to comfort. “What’s your best affair here?” she said in her mellow, second-martini voice. “What do bodies go basics over?”
Ms. Vargas talked her into a breakfast sandwich fabricated with clay bean eggs on a butter-free croissant, and mentioned that a Beyond Burger, fabricated from pea protein, was the circadian special.
“I’m bedeviled with the Beyond Burgers. Obsessed. I mean, I cannot eat enough,” Ms. Coolidge said, departing blush aperture so bee stung that an EpiPen seemed like a advantageous accessory. “I feel like the Beyond Burger is orgasmic sometimes.”
As the orders went in, Ms. Coolidge sampled some augment hasty and airheaded flavored with yeast, which didn’t appeal. “I didn’t fart, I aloof opened this thing,” she said, as she handed the bag around.
She adopted Snacklins, faux pork rinds fabricated from yuca, and a hazelnut amber bar from Vego. “Oh my God,” she said, abacus 10 added Vego confined to the bassinet Ms. Vargas handed her.
When the sandwiches were ready, Ms. Coolidge cut them into abode and headed alfresco to allotment them with her meat-eating publicists — a vegan seduction. “I’m aggravating to get anybody that I apperceive to go this route,” she said.
But her publicists had disappeared. She gave the samples to her driver, built-in in a atramentous S.U.V. “We’re aggravating to catechumen bodies to the vegan way,” she said.
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“I’m already a vegan,” he said, nibbling politely.
Ms. Coolidge flounced aback into the store, area Ms. Vargas flourished a new treat: a aerated chrism fabricated from coconuts. A self-professed aerated chrism enthusiast, Ms. Coolidge’s bedchamber eyes went ardent and wide. “Let’s try it,” she said, afraid the canteen with vigor. Afore she could aerosol it appropriate assimilate her fingers, Ms. Vargas brought over cardboard cups.
“This is delicious,” she said, her articulation deepening to a purr. Ms. Vargas offered her a agitate of the store’s boilerplate soft-serve ice cream, and Ms. Coolidge sprayed added aerated chrism over the top.
“This couldn’t be any added fun,” Ms. Coolidge said. “People’s abstraction of vegan is, like, kale.”
Though she splits her time amid Los Angeles and New Orleans, she has been advertent a move to New York, area she lived and waitressed in the backward 1980s and aboriginal 1990s. The bendable serve accepted it.
“I’m abrogation L.A,” she said. “I’m single. I can’t alive in a abode on a acropolis and accommodated somebody. I charge to appear actuality and, like, be allotment of society.”
In “Like a Boss,” Ms. Coolidge plays a abandoned beautician, Sydney, a beat riff on her “Legally Blonde” bend-and-snap turn. But in absolute life, alike in Los Angeles, can Ms. Coolidge absolutely not acquisition a date?
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Apparently. “I feel like a eunuch,” she said, as her atramentous applique bra played attending with her neckline. Men apprehend Stifler’s mother, but that isn’t who she is in her off hours. “I feel absolutely like array of a wallflower,” she said.
After spraying a third annular of aerated chrism assimilate her bendable serve, she wandered abutting aperture to the grocery’s accompaniment shop, Moo Shoes, to pet the abundance bodies and try on some vegan footwear.
She went aback and alternating on a blush backpack, chief it was too active (“I’m not bluffing anybody, right?”), afore aggravating on atramentous high-heeled boots fabricated of vegan covering and sustainably harvested beechwood. The boots didn’t fit absolutely right.
“Vegan girls accept attenuate little feet,” she said, as “Hell Bent for Leather” by Judas Priest played in the background. Ms. Coolidge slipped her own boots aback on and calm her groceries, additional a adulatory cat-printed tote.
“Come aback and see us abutting time you’re in New York City,” Ms. Vargas said brightly.
“I’m afraid around,” Ms. Coolidge said, hefting her amber bars. “You’ll see me afresh this week.”
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